Here I am, on a quest for self-betterment for about 16 years. Wow, that’s a long time and it seems like yesterday rather than over a decade. But, I then think about where I started versus where I am now; it feels like many lives ago. Who I once was, is a stranger to me and yet, there’s a nagging familiarity.
I think it’s important to address one simple reality of my blogs. The reason that I’m so good at calling a spade a spade, is because I’ve been that spade. When a friend mentioned that she was a repeat offender, a phrase taken from “the God Pile,” I felt awful because I too have been a repeat offender, an energy sucker and worst of all, a drama Queen. I’m not above reproach.
While sitting at Starbucks one day, my mind drifts to my sister. It’s a quiet moment where I feel nothing but this overpowering sensation of empathy for her. Hushed tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Over the last 6 months, our mom’s cancer has been extremely difficult on all of us, yet it’s become clear exactly how much more difficult this is for my sister. Whereas I had a decade to flop around like a fish out of water in regards to my dysfunctional self, my sister has had no such luxury. Let me explain…
You know that you have OCD when you make 8 edits after already posting your blog. Yep, that’s me. Some people call it perfectionism, but that’s not what I would call it. See, my need for perfectionism died at a young age due to my impulsive sloppiness. I learned long ago to accept that “my perfect” was simply doing my best. So, why the ridiculous amount of edits?
Nowadays, having Stage 4 cancer is no longer a death sentence. With the emergence of radical surgical procedures, more effective chemo drugs and a slew of cancer vaccines entering clinical trials, hope is a tangible reality rather than a pipe dream.