fear

Zipping Through My Fears (#27)

I have a fear of heights.  What’s strange is this wasn’t always so.  I remember on one ordinary day, I looked down from the top of a boulder that I scaled in Lake Tahoe; it was the first time that I ever visibly shook from fear.  I was shocked by my own reaction because until that moment, I had no idea that this fear of heights existed. 

Fear, Unveiled (#18)

The grief process didn’t start with my mom’s death.  It actually started two and a half years ago when she was first diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer.  I remember my therapist pointing this out, but at first, I rejected the possibility.  To me, admitting that I was grieving seemed liked I was giving permission to the terminal in my mom’s diagnosis.  Instead, I kept my focus on being emotionally and spiritually healthy so that we would be worthy of a miracle and for awhile, it appeared to be working. 

The Promise of Transmutation (#16)

“The deeper that sorrow carves in your being, the more joy you can contain.” -  Kahlil Gibran

 

Have you ever felt run over by a Mac Truck?  Emotionally, I mean.  For me, that’s how the month of June has felt like, being continuously hit by a semi.  Most embarrassing part is that I used to toss around the word “intense” in conversations yet only now, do I know what that means.  Maybe, it’s a redefinition and that’s part of dealing with life, but this seems irrelevant. 

My Remarkable Me (#4)

I woke up one ordinary day and realized this was the day that I was going to face my fears.  As I’ve previously mentioned, I harbored a deep seeded fear that maybe all the critics were right and I was “crazy” on some level.  This was a recurring theme for me- Did I mention that OCD can be a wee bit repetitious?  Although I recognized the pattern, I was stumped in regards to how I could fix it or if it could be fixed.  Then, a thought hit me or rather, more of a question, “Are you ready to be professionally diagnosed?”

My Greatest Fear: My Mother's Cancer (#3)

For most of my life, I, secretly, feared that there may have been a hint of truth behind people’s accusations that I was crazy.  I emphatically denied it, but still, there was this nagging sense that maybe I was lying to myself.  I could say with all honesty that this was my greatest fear.  That was until March 4, 2012, the day my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer.   This diagnosis annihilated any of my previous ideas of fear and what arose was a terror that I never could have imagined.